“No man is an island”. Just one of several quotes that has crossed my mind over these past few weeks. No-one is self-sufficient; everyone relies on others. I was around 19 when I first discussed the meaning of this phrase, which originates from a sermon by the seventeenth century English author John Donne, and it was with my roommate, Shelly, when we were both undergraduates studying English at university. She had chosen to write an essay with this proverb as the title. Little did we know then, that a time would come when this phrase would really ring true. “No man is an island” basically expresses the idea that human beings do badly when isolated from others and need to be part of a community in order to thrive.
During this period of enforced isolation and lockdown, I find the different digital communities, with whom I virtually interact, really interesting. Some are obvious and were never in doubt (my close family, best friends and work colleagues). Others are more unusual, such as totally new communities with total strangers or blasts from the past. All are equally satisfying. To refer back to Shelly for example and my other university mates, we don’t catch up so much as the years have passed and we rarely interact with one another on social media anymore. However, knowing that she had read my last blog post and commented on it was a real source of comfort to me in these strange times. Thinking about her and the times we shared together as students became the inspiration for this latest blog post, along with our shared passion for words, quotes and English literature.
Speaking of words, another more modern saying has been echoing through my mind recently, “in a world where we’ve never been so connected, we’ve also never been so disconnected”. This was written in the digital age, pre Covid-19 and in reference to how people no longer communicate in person and engage properly with others, even those in their own homes, because they always have their face in a phone or are constantly using some technological device. Whilst its meaning certainly still makes current sense, the sentiment has undoubtedly changed. The element of choice is now no longer there. When that phrase was written, one could have chosen to put down their devices to go and visit a friend or relative and give them a great big hug. We no longer have this freedom. That privilege has been removed. When this is all over, we may indeed be glad to take a break from our devices, but right now I’m not sure how we would survive these times without them? Maybe a revised version of the phrase should read, “in a world where we’ve never been so disconnected, we’ve also never been so connected”. “No man is an island”.
Another good friend was telling me how since lockdown she has virtually been meeting up with family members every weekend whom she usually never sees for months. My husband, who can be fairly anti-social if I’m totally honest, has started taking part in online quizzes with school friends he hasn’t contacted in years! People everywhere are rekindling relationships online which maybe they wouldn’t have done in person before Covid-19. And this is just one of the many positives to come out of what is actually a very difficult and tragic time for many.
Despite the positive lockdown stories, “life is not a bed of roses”. Admittedly, there are days when I feel like Bertha Mason! Not quite “the mad woman in the attic” perhaps, but certainly a deranged middle-aged female, cooped up in her Dubai apartment, not knowing what to clean or cook next and wondering how, in the 40 degree heat, she can possibly look out of that “room with a view” one more time whilst never knowing when she will enjoy the “paradise lost” that is life outside again. “Groundhog Day” is a frequently used term to describe working from home and home-schooling, whereby it all happens within the same four walls, and the phrase “I want to break free” has never held so much meaning. And yet I am fully aware that I am actually very fortunate and that my story and frustrations are far from tragic or even sad.
In fact, most of the time I am actually trying to make the most out of these unprecedented times. I am enjoying connecting digitally with all kinds of people from all over the world, whilst also having the time to live more creatively. Rediscovering old music, recipes, photographs, letters, poems, books and friends. Having more time to message people, to share and watch funny videos, to enjoy films and TV series whilst also finding the time to simply “stand and stare” and “smell the roses”. Being able to step out of the “rat race” and jump off the “hamster wheel” and take a break from the rushing involved with “living life in the fast lane” has allowed me, and I’m sure many others of us too, to refocus on what matters most.
Of course, for many reasons, I can’t wait to see the back of these times. Oh, how I long to travel again and how I can’t wait to be able to touch and kiss my relatives and friends and to enjoy being with them in real time, being able to “live in the moment” again. I am so looking forward to waking up in the morning without my first thought being that I am not going anywhere! Again. I want to enjoy a long, aimless jog, without worrying that I am breaking the law. I want to go to the pub. I want to go to the shops, take a taxi and spend money on an over-priced coffee. I want to go to the movies and dine in that restaurant I always liked but never got around to trying. I want to get a haircut, and last but certainly not least, I want to see my Mum. I never want to live through a time like this again, and yet I know there will be things that I will miss about these days.
As a Mum of 2 teenage sons, having this “family time” has really been a gift. We’ve played games, shared meals, had quizzes, tried challenges, held themed days and so much more, which would never have happened in “normal life”. I have loved not having to iron school uniform, follow strict routines and play the role of taxi driver. Every day I have a little bit of a lie-in, and I don’t have to worry about make-up. From following others on social media, I see that many people have created in house cinemas, bars, restaurants and gyms. It seems I am not the only one trying to maximize my enjoyment of life right now. When this is long gone, I’m sure we won’t hear the phrase “duvet day” or “PJ day” ever again. The “lockdown day” will be the latest saying to make the urban dictionary and its definition will be – a day for you to enjoy not having to do anything or go anywhere and just take some down time. Despite the tragedy and sadness of this pandemic, many of us will have memories of good days too. Not too dissimilar to what older folk say about the war days, where we “don’t count the days but make the days count” because “in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count; it’s the life in your years”.
These are tough times. I don’t need to point out the harsh reality of the number of deaths or the sad and tragic stories that people we all know have had to experience. But many of us are getting through these times because we can still connect. “No man is an island”, and there are always words to turn to for comfort. Some of the go-to phrases I like to think of when feeling sad and when I need to be reminded of the positives are, “you can’t make a rainbow without a little rain” or “it is the darkest nights that produce the brightest stars” and “even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” Hopefully, we will come out on the other side of this, and we will be better people for having endured it. “Dare to dream” is something I’ve often told my students, because “somewhere over the rainbow” there is a “pot of gold’’ and “dreams really do come true”. “One day” Shelly and I will catch up for that drink, “for old times’ sake”, and I won’t take for granted being able to spend some quality time with those that matter to me.